De-startling myself

One of Dr. Low’s many brilliant insights is the role of the startle for us nervous people–although it actually applies in many situations and for many different kinds of people. In a nutshell, many of the things that trigger symptoms (such as shakiness, a pounding heart, sudden tension, etc.–which can easily be followed by fearful or angry temper or both) are simply a startle. Perhaps we humans are wired to react to external stimuli as a survival mechanism (think being on the savannah and a lion suddenly charging you), but for many of us it’s gotten out of hand. Maybe we were born highly sensitive but through the years we’ve become over-sensitized and our “nerve resistance” has gotten lower so that now we startle too easily.

So what constitutes a startle? Many things! It can be a barking dog. It can be a car cutting you off in traffic. It can be a seemingly harsh word from a relative or co-worker, even in an e-mail. Or, strangely enough, it can be a thought–something that seems to come “out of the blue”. Generally it’s a triviality.

Today’s first startle, for example, happened as I was driving to work, when I suddenly thought about how I don’t have any nieces or nephews and my kids don’t have any cousins. I began to work myself up. I got lowered feelings (which we say in Recovery instead of “depressed”). I felt self-pity–woe is me. I even started to cry–boo hoo! Thanks to Recovery training, though, I was immediately able to spot that:

• Yes, it is kind of sad and it’s a genuine feeling.
• BUT…feelings rise and fall and run their course if you don’t attach danger to them when they reach their peak (in other words, “stay with the feelings” as many therapists tried to counsel me over the years but couldn’t explain HOW to do it)
• Don’t CODDLE your feelings–be objective, cool, chilly, dispassionate about them.
• Just say no to the crying habit!
• Endorse for the effort.

After a few tears and a few minutes, I actually felt fine again. A couple of minutes later, I felt sad again (there go them feelings–rising and falling as is their wont) and went through the process again. Then I was okay. Before Recovery I most likely would have indulged in self-torture and self-pity and felt fairly debilitated all morning and unable to work productively. I much prefer arriving at work cheerful and being able to face whatever the day has in store for me!

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